


i'm sorry you lost (your way)

by protegostark (aaeiilnn)



Series: all that i love (all that i need) [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Battle of Hogwarts, Bullying, Death Eater Loki, Gen, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mentions of Harry Potter, Mentions of Pepper Potts - Freeform, Mentions of Voldemort, Ravenclaw Tony Stark, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, can also be read as Tony/Loki, mentions of Hermione Granger, mentions of Hope Van Dyne - Freeform, mentions of James Rhodes, rated T for Tony cursing once or twice, slytherin Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23785852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaeiilnn/pseuds/protegostark
Summary: "If you don't stop hanging around them, you're slowly going to be like them. And I don't want that, Loki."Loki furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you telling me to stop being friends with them?""Yes.""You don't get to say who I can and can't become friends with, Tony.""Maybe I can." Tony's voice cracked at the last word as all the emotions started to overwhelm him. "Maybe I can because… If you're friends with them, I don't want to be friends with you."Prompts:HPQuoteBingo: "Things we lost have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect."SuperpowerBingo: Create Fire*chose not to apply archive warnings for no spoilers**though i guess that does make it a bit obvious*
Relationships: Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark
Series: all that i love (all that i need) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623931
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	i'm sorry you lost (your way)

**Author's Note:**

> I LIKE THIS ONE i didnt have much of a hard time writing it (except for the last part) so this was easy to write though i just kept putting it off
> 
> i dont know why im enjoying to write this kind of Loki honestly im so sad about it anyway
> 
> title from: inevitable by team starkid
> 
> Prompts:  
> HPQuoteBingo: "Things we lost have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect."  
> SuperpowerBingo: Create Fire

If Tony had to pick where it started, it would be the Fiendfyre. They were out near the edge of the woods where they would spend hours of their free time doing whatever they'd like. At that moment, Tony wanted to spend it sleeping while Loki was practicing spells. It was very peaceful until there was a strong heat that woke Tony from his nap and sent him running away from the source. It turned out it was Loki producing fire from his wand that took shape of a dragon then a snake before Loki whispered a spell and it disappeared. 

"Loki, what the _hell_ was that?" He tried to not let his fear be heard but his voice was still more shaky than he'd have liked.

Loki just chuckled at Tony's question. "Don't be afraid, it's just fire. I saw a spell of it from one of the books in the Slytherin common room."

"That was cursed fire." Tony kept his eyes on Loki. "Fiendfyre. Loki, that…that's dark magic."

"Yeah," Loki grinned proudly keeping his eyes on his book. "It's an advanced one too."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

At that, Loki turned to face him finally. "It's just fire, Anthony. Nothing bad happened, it was all controlled. And also, aren't all spells dangerous in their own way?"

Tony breathed out. "I can't argue with that. Just…Just please be more careful next time? Or maybe not let there be a next time? What if you couldn't control it? Lokes, the whole forest could have burned down…"

He knew that he could have gone on and on because of how nervous he felt when he realized that Loki was practicing dark magic. Maybe Loki realized it too because he had brought up another topic and the Fiendfyre was never mentioned again.

Still, things seemed to change. It was homework after homework, and he was half-persuaded, half-threatened by the enthusiastic Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain to take the place of one of the chasers who had graduated, so he had Quidditch practice as well. He would wave to Loki in the corridors or in the Great Hall when they see each other, but their time together was really cut short that year. Tony saw that Loki seemed to be making more friends in his house, which was great, but it still made him a bit sad.

He remembers when they were eleven and had to share a train compartment because Loki didn't want to share with his older Gryffindor brother, and Tony had ran late and out of other empty places to sit in. Loki had been a shy, quiet kid and remained that way as they grew up, but Tony would always humor both of them with his stories and be honored to witness moments when Loki comes out of his shell and rants about whatever book he's read. Those eleven year old kids had promised that they'd keep being friends despite ending up in different houses later in the sorting, and yet, Tony can't help but feel like he broke that promise.

No, not ' _like_ '. He did. He said it so himself.

The friends that Loki was making in Slytherin weren't good ones. Hermione Granger, someone who Tony enjoyed studying at the library with from time to time, had approached him once to tell him about the situation since Loki and Tony's friendship was somewhat of a well-known fact amongst students. Those upper year Slytherins humiliated and terrified other students that they'd see in the corridors or in the courtyard when there were no professors to catch them. It had been grating on Tony's nerves to see Loki hang around with the likes of them, but when a Ravenclaw friend two years younger than him named Harley had ran into the common room crying because of those Slytherins, Tony snapped.

"Why are you hanging around people like them, Loki?" 

"They're just playing around, Anthony. They'll grow out of it." Loki drawled as he flipped a page of his book.

Tony grabbed the book, snapped it shut, and set it down. "They are running up and down the corridors, terrorizing everyone they come across. _Bullying_ , Loki. Are you telling me this is all alright for you?" 

Loki met his eyes. "I don't complain about the people you hang around with."

Tony blinked. "What?"

"Always striving to get the top grades, just to desperately prove themselves and—"

"That's _academics_ , Loki!" Tony hissed angrily. "They're going to be trying hard to get the highest grades! I can't believe you're comparing people working hard for good scores to people literally pushing others to the ground!"

Loki rolled his eyes, looking slightly amused by the situation, then reached for his book. Tony watched him with a sense of defeat.

"Are you gonna join them one day?" He whispered, terrified of the answer. Loki froze for a second before shaking his head in disbelief and then turning a page.

Tony stepped back. "I'm not hearing a 'no'."

Loki looked up at him lazily, still somehow amused. "They're just having fun."

"I can't _believe_ this." Tony ran his fingers through his hair, looking perplexed at the whole situation. "I can't believe you."

"Anthony, it's not a—"

"If you don't stop hanging around them, you're slowly going to be like them. And I don't want that, Loki."

Loki furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you telling me to stop being friends with them?"

"Yes."

"You don't get to say who I can and can't become friends with, Tony."

"Maybe I can." Tony's voice cracked at the last word as all the emotions started to overwhelm him. "Maybe I can because… If you're friends with them, I don't want to be friends with you."

Loki stared at him unblinkingly. "You don't mean that."

"I know what I promised but, Loki, I _can't_. Don't hang around with them."

Loki's eyes hardened. "You can't tell me what to do."

Tony closed his eyes, waiting three seconds for any other word. But when none came, he just nodded. When he opened his eyes, he would have sworn he saw the broken expression on Loki's face, but a split second later he was blank and shut off.

"I'm sorry." Tony whispered and walked away.

He should have known things would become worse. They never spoke to each other after that day, but Tony would always find the friend he had lost in the Great Hall, or in classes. He'd always find those pair of green eyes that had always comforted him when he ran himself exhausted staying up to absorb everything in his book. But whenever he saw Loki, it just hurts because Loki never seemed to look for him. And the people around Loki stayed the same.

The year came when they had Death Eaters as professors. Loki kept hanging around with the worst of the Slytherins. When the Dark Arts classes came and they had younger years to practice curses on, it was Loki's friends who enthusiastically volunteered. Loki never did such things, but he also always just stood by and watched.

(Loki was also never asked directly by the Death Eaters, and Tony had been terrified that they would because he didn't know what Loki's response would have been.)

Now, it's the war and everything is ten times the mess it was in the past few years. Harry Potter rose from the dead _again_ and Tony is running around with Rhodey, Pepper, and Hope, casting spells at Death Eaters and trying to get injured people to safety. They were about to turn a corridor and go through a secret passage to get a group of people when they were blocked by a dragon-sized fire.

The heat takes him back to the first time he had seen the spell performed — a peaceful time disrupted by cursed flames. He didn't need to look to know who casted it.

"Hope," he called her attention quickly and softly, "Queen Guinevere's portrait. Go." His fellow Ravenclaw recognizes the secret passageway that leads to the dorms and tugs on the hands of the second year boy that had a deep, bleeding cut running down from his cheek to his neck. Rhodey had given him a curt nod before herding the rest of the young or injured students to follow quickly.

Pep took a second, seeing the familiar figure Tony had resigned himself to confront. "Be careful," she whispered then ran after the group, casting a spell as she went.

"Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity." The sarcastic tone was all too familiar.

Tony breathed to prepare himself, then turned to face him. "Will it work?" 

There's no point in lying, Tony is a bit desperate and he never did lose hope. He knew that, but it seems like Loki was slightly taken aback by his response. "Would you actually, Anthony? Not even an attempt at threatening?"

"Threatening?" Tony repeats softly, slightly chuckling as he took a step forward. Loki stepped back. "No, Loki, I could never hurt you. Stop this, please."

He was answered by a sharp, amused laugh. "Are you begging?"

"Yes?" Tony replies with all sincerity. "Loki, this isn't you. I know that. You know that. Please stop this."

"Why would I?" Loki responds, his tone nonchalant with an edge that Tony wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't looking for it. "What have I to fear?"

"Nothing." Tony looks straight into Loki's eyes, hoping and praying to drive his point through. "Nothing, Loki, that's the _point_. I'll help you and keep you safe. There would be nothing to fear or worry about. This isn't you, Lokes."

Loki doesn't raise his wand at him, but he does slowly take another two steps back. "You don't know me anymore." And with those words, he lifts the sleeves of his left arm and confirms what Tony had hated to suspect for months now. Pale, thin fingers trace the tattoo that moves on it's own, lifelike and promising death. "This is who I've become."

Tony is frozen, staring at the tattoo and unaware of all the chaos surrounding him. A time of war, yet it seems like he's trapped in this small hallway with no one else around. "I don't believe that," Tony whispers. "I know that this isn't who you want to be."

Loki clenches his jaw, a habit Tony recognizes from the times his friend was angry and frustrated. "Put your wand up, Stark."

That's when Tony realizes he had, at some point during their short conversation, replaced his wand in his pocket. He brings it out, but keeps it pointed at the floor. "I won't fight you, Loki."

A red streak of light misses him by an inch, but Tony just looks back at Loki. "I won't fight you. I can't."

Another red light, then two more that passed by so fast, he wasn't sure what the colors were. But they all missed, and Tony doesn't even flinch. "Why are you—"

"Because you _promised_." Loki's voice cracks in the middle, but he keeps the wand trained on Tony. "And you still left."

"I didn't leave—"

"What a lie—"

"—you fucking _chose_ them!" Tony shouts and his voice echoes needlessly in the hallway but it goes unheard by the battle outside. "I gave you a choice and you chose them! _You_ left!"

He takes another deep breath and calms himself down. "Dammit, Loki. I cared about you, I loved you, and all I tried to do was help you. But you still chose them."

Loki's green eyes were suspiciously bright, but it does not stop glaring. "Maybe if you truly loved me, you wouldn't have made me choose." 

"Between a friend and damn bullies, Loki?" Tony snaps back. "If you cared even half as much as I did, then there shouldn't have been a choice."

"Put your wand up and fight me."

"I can't fight you, Loki, " Tony repeats and slowly back away, his own eyes filled with tears. "Please just stop this, just come back to me."

His words stop Loki for a moment. When he once gave Loki three seconds to change his mind, Tony now gives him ten. And as his head slowly counts down, Tony slowly loses hope. Inevitably, he reaches one and another green spell rushes past his ear. He feels his heart drop as he stares back at Loki's eyes still focused on him. Tony closes his eyes, breathes out, and turns to rejoin the battle.

The more steps Tony takes, the more the silence that surrounded them falls apart to give way to the sound of the other witches and wizards fighting. It isn't as loud and terrifying as it had been in the start, and he isn't exactly sure if it's that way because he had gotten used to it or because the fight was coming to an end. Scanning his surroundings, he sees several bodies laying motionless across the grounds and how most of those still alive were students heading a certain direction, fear and hope seen clear across their faces. For a second, Tony allows himself to believe that this nightmare turned reality is almost over before making his way to follow them.

"Tony!" His name being called out stops him in his tracks and he turns to see Loki running towards him. One moment, he notes how green Loki's eyes were. The next, he was overwhelmed with the familiar scent of books and the rarely used secret passages and corridors he once had the honor to explore. Loki was _hugging_ him. _Loki came back_.

And then the next moment, there was another red light.

The body his arms had instinctively hugged back immediately went limp, almost dragging Tony down. Without a word, Tony cast his own spell (another red light) at the source, hitting a figure wearing one of those terrible masks.

Tony went numb as he lowered the body to the ground, still holding Loki tightly. He doesn't notice he's been muttering endlessly, denying the truth that stares at him with lifeless green eyes. A tear falls on pale skin, and only then does Tony realize he's crying.

In the distance, people started cheering. As it was joined with bright laughter despite hints of exhaustion and sadness for those they lost, it was clear those who fought on Harry Potter, Hogwarts, and it's students and faculty ( _Tony's side_ ) had won. Voldemort's side ( _Loki's side, until mere seconds ago_ ) has been defeated. 

He looks away from those green eyes (so blank, so empty, so _dead_ ) and sees people beginning to walk around and find the bodies of their loved ones. Nothing pushes Tony to leave his spot so he stays, cradles Loki's head close to him as he continues muttering words he didn't even know he was saying.

"I'm sorry," he whispers repeatedly to jet black hair, though he's not exactly sure why. Is it a typical detached 'sorry your side lost'? Is he apologising for leaving long ago? Are the apologies for the life Loki had decided to _waste_ by saving Tony?

It's not fair. He came back. Loki was coming back and he never hurt anyone and he wasn't bad. He was coming back. He was supposed to come back now. Why did he come back to Tony _like this_?

Tony doesnt have the answers. Maybe someday he will, when he has more time to think about this (lock himself in a room, have his mind run in endless circles to drain every bit of his energy until someone drags him out into the sunlight). For now, he isn't content, but he will stay here, with Loki, and mutter all the words he never got to say.

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is a bittersweet ending yknow  
> like yeah one of them dIED but he kinda found his way back? kINDA??? also my favorite points i hoped i wrote well  
> ✓ Tony calling Loki 'Lokes' casually, and 'Loki' when its serious, Loki calling Tony 'Anthony' casually but 'Tony' when its serious  
> ✓ Loki not willing to fight someone when they aren't fighting back  
> ✓ Loki purposely missing hitting Tony (and maybe hitting enemies that can be seen behind Tony 🤔)
> 
> hope you enjoyed ! im hoping to make the next one happier because goddamn this was wow


End file.
